I'll admit to being slightly sentimental.
I'm slow; methodical; deliberate.
I've never liked the word 'forget',
and use a great amount of energy determining not to.
I've kept a little mental scrapbook of my life to this point;
the times when Creation is especially beautiful,
and God is especially good;
the moments of particular pains and joys;
- beginnings and endings -
they're all so distinct for me.
They're carefully recorded, treasured, and remembered,
and stretched for all they're worth.
We only have so short a time here,
and even the little things,
like a walk with the dogs, or a chocolate milkshake,
seem meant to be savored.
Now I find myself, still up, early, early,
reminiscing, reveling in retrospection,
as I'm prone to do -
because today marks the end of my twentieth year.
And now I can claim the title;
Twenty.
The oldest I've been yet.
I've never liked endings of any sort;
and I'll admit I'm dwelling long on this one.
Didn't I just turn 13 last week?
On one hand it seemed to go so quickly,
just a moment, here and gone.
And yet,
I marvel that the Lord managed to pack so many lessons
into such a seemingly short amount of time.
That's where the sense of years begins;
not in the hours passed,
but the growth, the revelations,
the steady process of sanctification;
the numberless shows of Faithfulness and Providence
from the Lord - again and again.
That's where the years become real.
Seven very long, very full years.
It's been an eternity.
On one of those distant days,
my wise Mother handed me a book:
Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss.
And quoting the wise mother portrayed therein,
she reminded me that:
"my character would be essentially formed by the
time I reached my twentieth year..."
She told me how important those years would be;
and despite the fact I that I felt I had all of the
time in the world at that moment,
I did take it to heart.
And that day is already here.
And on this day, despite a thirteen-year-old's expectations,
what stands out most is that
I haven't "arrived," I'm not anywhere near "finished."
If I've learned anything in twenty years -
it is that I'm nothing on my own,
that His strength is made perfect in weakness,
that coming to the end of myself -
is the best possible place to be.
That God does work all things together for good
for those that love Him.
It hasn't all been easy by any means,
but there isn't a single thing I would change,
not a single detour or bypass I could ask for.
He has used it all;
and perfectly so.
His mercies are new every morning.
Here at the end of them -
all I can do is simply thank Him for each
undeserved moment these twenty years are made of.
And ask for an extra measure of grace as I begin
my next decade.
Because it really begins in about an hour...
