August 3, 2010

God's Ways

If you were to ask me,
I would admit that the heat of August is probably
not the happiest time to dig through old boxes and
reflect on the nostalgia of times past...
That sounds like a nice Wintertime project.
But on the humorous side of things -
we don't have much of a choice.

Our house is kind of kicking us out.

Our treasured home of thirteen years is pushing the century mark.
We've fretted from time to time over the crumbling foundation,
the cracking walls and sporadic ceiling leaks.
But there is a charm in all those things;
especially when coupled with the floor to ceiling windows,
the old wood floors, and the door knobs.

It has been our home;
the place us kids have grown up in;
I'm terribly attached to it -
but it now has an issue that we can't simply live with.

Our home has been making us sick,
with a problem you can only really comprehend if you
have endured it yourself.
Something we can't smell, or until recently even see,
but we've been feeling the affects -
and we know it's in the walls, in that leaky chimney.
We have the tests that tell us so.

It's mold.

Bad news, yes, but when you've been sick for a long time,
any answer doesn't seem so bad;
because it's an answer.

If you're terribly interested, feel free to research the stuff.
Let me just say that it can make you sick. Very sick.
And while it's hard to fathom that the house that made your
girlhood so beautiful, also made it such a challenge -
it's still a relief to finally know:
it's not my genes, thyroid, food allergies, or all in my head;

It's my home.

Thus the memories,
the letting go and moving on.

I'm guessing you'll be somewhat happy to know
we're not moving moving -
in God's providence, we had built a building on our farm
a few years back for storage, and an art studio -
and are now in the process of making it into a new home.
Though it's much smaller than what we are accustomed too,
we're learning to embrace the process of simplifying
our lives, and living with less.

Long story short,
it's a good thing;
and we can see God's hand in all of it.
His timing is perfect.

Even looking back at years of illness and frustration,
I can see God's hand there too.
I would not know His strength in my weakness,
and my absolute inability to do anything without Him,
as I now do -
if it weren't for these years.
That's when I feel almost as if I can relate to what the
Psalmist meant when he wrote in Psalm 90:

"Make us glad according to
the days wherein thou hast afflicted us,
and the years wherein we have seen evil."

I'm learning that anything that makes me
more patient, more trusting, more willing to surrender,
and exchange my plan for the Lord's,
is a very good thing.
Even when it really hurts.

We still have a long road ahead of us,
building, moving, detoxing,
and eventually saying goodbye to this old house;
but there's a great anticipation and hope
in seeing what the Lord has for us next.


Jo Bekah Photography said...

Oh, that's sad! :( Lovely pictures! Especially that first one, the lighting is gorgeous. You are a very talented writer Kate.

Margaret said...

That must be so let go of such a staple in your life, but thank the Lord wellness is just up ahead!

And thanks for the comment/warning...not to let your soap smell like fudge. We gave some honey away a few years ago and the poor couple we gave it to thought it was a candle and tried to burn it...thankfully they realized it wasn't a scented candle and we realized not to put the honey in a somewhat decorated jar that could also be used for candles. Live and learn!